[Dr. Edward Daniel Taylor]
My brothers and my sisters! People, we only have two minutes left, and we have $9,999 to go! Come on, you ungrateful slobs! We've had some great guests on this telethon to volunteer their time and energy for this worthy cause, and the cheap publicity. Now fork it over! Do you want the Lord to call me at His home? Do you want Donohue in the White House? No, you don't! You don't want Tilton on prime time, do you?
And now I'd like to introduce my semi-ambitious but less than charismatic, non-descript, pathetic son, who hopes one day against all hope to take over my ministry. (Over my dead body!) Ahem. Now, I'd like to tempt you--or he'd like to tempt you with some special offer I'm sure you'll find hard to resist. So now here he is--that Bible college dropout, that weak-kneed, lily-livered weasel I reluctantly call son, Little Dumbo!
Thanks, Dad. If it weren't for you, I'd still be scraping skid marks off the Prickly Heat World Ministry waterslide.
In 1964, when my wife Beulah Land was a-cookin' up "tortillies" over a Bunsen burner in our tent, the face of Art Carney appeared, portraying Ed Norton. You know, Ralph Kramden's little buddy. He was the one who worked in the sewer.
Make your point, son!
Uh, uh, well, well, his face appeared in the tortilly, and it changed our lives. I always make it a point to give my testimony before I speak publicly.
We're tired of your testimony! The whole congregation is sick and tired of your testimony, son!