Daniel Amos Message Board | Print: anyone else been through this?

Posted by tchandler on 08-31-2007 at11:40:

anyone else been through this?

(happy friday, by the way!)

some of you, from what i've read on the board, have kids that are of the age mine are (13 and 10) or older.

I'm curious as to whether or not any of you have been through a similar situation.

(i'm giving the following information not to brag about my son, but simply as statistical fact. without this detail, i can't tell the story so please forgive me if it sounds like bragging. it's not meant to be.)

my 13 year old son is a jock. last year (7th grade) was his first year of playing full contact, tackle football for his middle school team. on offense, he started as the primary wide receiver and led his team in yardage and scoring. on defense he started at free safety and aside from several open-field touchdown stopping tackles, he was one of only two players to intercept a pass. by provable statistics, he's the fastest kid on his team.

max also plays on the basketball team. the basketball coach's son (who's as tall as max, but pigeon-toed and not as fast) did not play football last year.

basketball coach's son is playing football this year as is max. in spite of max's provable performance last year, basketball coach's son gets put at starting, primary wide receiver. in the first two scrimages, basketball coach's son promptly drops every pass thrown to him.

basketball coach's son gets moved to tight end and max gets put back at starting primary wide receiver, but basketball coach's son keeps getting the ball thrown to him. in two scrimages and one game so far, the team has gotten the ball into the hands of the fastest kid on the team (max) exactly once.

there are only three players on the team who start on both offense and defense. one of them is basketball coach's son and one of the others is the son of the guy who donated the concession stand.

on defense, basketball coach's son starts at max's old position of free safety. in the last game, the opposing team ran by basket ball coach's son several times for a winning 27 points.

the statistically fastest kid on the team (max) doesn't play defense at all, even though the coach has seen him make several (literal) flying tackles on kickoff and punt return coverage.

yes, it's blatantly obvious what's going on. i never experienced it in california, but here in the south, there's a thick, redneck, hillbilly, Good Ol' Boy political thing that turns real ugly real fast.

i just want my kid to have an honest chance and get what he's earned and deserves.

anyone else been through this/ have advice? i'm all ears.

Posted by Scrimshaw Nick on 08-31-2007 at11:45:

I heard Berger make the same complaints about you Red Face

______________
Tackle the coach's son on the Message Boards Red Face

Posted by navfox on 08-31-2007 at12:14:

RE: anyone else been through this?

quote:

Originally posted by tchandler
(happy friday, by the way!)

anyone else been through this/ have advice? i'm all ears.

Tim,

For the last 4 years I've lived in the south and I see what you are talking about all the time, "The Good Ole Boy" Network. I've only know figured out that fear causes them to do what they do. If your better then they, they fear loosing what they have to you. If you have something they don't, they fear they are loosing out and they want it too.

My advise is to scare 'em!

Posted by snowblind on 08-31-2007 at12:21:

Well, I've lived in Georgia my whole life and this happens a lot more than I'd like to admit. My son is only 15 months old, so I've got this to look forward to... Roll Eyes

On a related note, my wife works for a local high school in a fairly high position and she's been encouraged to show special treatment (not in sports, but what her position entails) to the son of a big booster. Basically, the squeaky wheels get the grease... SO, you just need to donate a bunch of money to the school and you'll be set! You are rich, right?

Posted by Lur King on 08-31-2007 at12:37:

RE: anyone else been through this?

quote:

Originally posted by tchandler
anyone else been through this/ have advice? i'm all ears.

YuP

My 10th grade Geometry teacher was the head Wrestling Coach.
He basically tutored the five wrestlers in my class and left me
& a few others to blow in the wind... Mad

________________________

We have had many similar but LeSS obvious things happen with our Kids.

it's hard. Frown

my wife has a really hard time Mad

& gets really upset.

I try to always think that eventully the 'Cream Always Rises' to the top.
...unless someone keeps shaking "it" uP.

our oldest son is really good at memorizing & reciting poetry.
our school has a contest every year. ea. classroom sends 2 students
to the all school 'finals'.
our son never made it that far. (usally Girl "teachers pets" did)
anyway last year he had a Male teacher & made it to the finals
& took 2nd place overall... (he was the "teachers pet")

uP north we do not have a thick, redneck, hillbilly, Good Ol' Boy political thing going on.

but we do have a impenetrable, patronizing, condescending, pretentious political thing going on.
______________________

since it is it's blatantly obvious what's going on, you could wait it out a few games into the real season, someone else (asst. coach, another parent etc.) may advocate the coaches ear. (on your sons behalf)
if not ask Max what he wants done about it?

either way consider the consequences of any & all action you may take.
& make sure Max understands & is cool with anything you or others may do.

hope it goes well...

Posted by jiminy on 08-31-2007 at12:55:

cant give any truly similar happenings-
but I guess all one can do is encourage MAx (which I'm sure you do) to play his best- n as dale said- hope that the cream is allowed to rise to the top.

Im sure were all aware how much that happens in big boy life- kind of weird when some kid gets the "advantage" at a very young age.
It steers em to thinkin its always going to be that way.

My dear daughter (16) works at probably the finest fashion store in our small town (called Younkers)
Because shes a cut above in sales?
Cuz shes industrious?
well- no - its cuz shes exceptionally pretty for a young gal- and thats the kind they want waiting on people with money
In this case - im not complaining of course.. Cool

Posted by Ron E on 08-31-2007 at14:36:

As a teacher, I would suggest that the coach is the one under pressure to do something with these other kids. I'm sure he recognizes talent and wants to use Max. In other words, likely, if you're not confrontational about it, you could talk to the coach. I mean, if you go to him in terms of, "I get the feeling that you're under pressure to play _______. Who should I talk to about this pressure?" Perhaps if the coach had someone to share this with it might make him feel better too. I think it really depends on if the coach is "in the club" or if its just pressure being put on him. I think that as a parent, I would go to the administration and give them the information you gave us, (after a few weeks mind you, no one ever got drafted out of grade 8 Wink

) Not to be a disturber, but to let them know that you and or Max is noticing the double standard and that its not okay, just because its the way its been done in the past.
Or, he could just take up bass.

Posted by Drtuddle on 08-31-2007 at15:01:

It gets pretty scary in Tejas when it comes to Football. We luv us some football! I remember lots of kids when I was growing up in High School who quit because of coach favortism toward other players. I think those kind of teams usually don't do so well unless there is just one unbelievable star on the team. I think it would be up to the Max. Is there a team captain? Maybe bring it up to him. If a parent brings it up it looks like bias and people start talking behind ya. Maybe he is saving Max for High School?

Posted by sondance on 08-31-2007 at15:16:

Dr. C - no experience but some thoughts.

A big factor is to determine whether or not can you assume the coach and his associated henchmen appreciate statistics, fairness, and just plain ole reasonableness.

If they do, you may be able to reason with them.

If they do not you will probably have to have a talk with you son about the Nature of Man and why there are times it is better not to make waves, you gotta pick your battles, etc. , etc. It could be worse - if the coach is a genuine moron your son could only be going in on special teams, etc., etc.

At this point your son is is demonstrating his abilities and he will gain confidence and skills. Those are big pluses that will serve him very well in years to come, even if there is blatant unfairness happening.

Let us know how it all turns out, must be a hoot to have a son who can play so well.

Posted by Drtuddle on 08-31-2007 at15:25:

TC if your son is that good make sure he goes to The University Of Texas! Hook'em!

quote:

The Eyes of Texas are upon you til Gabriel blows his horn!

You got to love a University whose school song is set to I've been worki'n on the railroad!

Posted by tchandler on 08-31-2007 at15:59:

thanks, you guys, for the thoughts. i really appreciate it.

i'm considering everything you've said.

Posted by Audiori J on 08-31-2007 at16:26:

Kids that get everything handed to them don't get well suited for lifes future disappointments. They grow up with an unrealistic expectation of the way the world works, they tend to think everything will go their way and when it doesn't a spoiled adult has a worse time learning these lessons than a child does.

Posted by larryl on 08-31-2007 at17:02:

i'm thinking perhaps the coach doesn't know who max is.

i suggest you let him know that you are not only a grammy nominated musician, but also a super secret gov't computer guy. Big Grin

sign a CD and give it to him, even. Big Grin

Posted by Mark on 08-31-2007 at17:40:

Yes, I've seen it a lot.

Posted by ladrtrk55 on 08-31-2007 at20:06:

It's a life lesson, let it play out.
Besides, Da/DanielAmos/Swirlies have been competing against the "coachs' kid" of the music industry like forever.
Besides, when the team is losing and the coach's kid is the reason, believe me, the team boosters/sponsors will let the coach know.

Life ain't fair man. Live it up right where ya are.....

Posted by Captain Pedantic on 09-01-2007 at01:54:

My son is 11 1/2 and he is the smallest person on his rugby team. This year he started the rugby season in a team that had twice as many people as needed so he ended up only getting half a game every two weeks. His mum swapped teams and he started in a team that had only two more people than a full team.

In normal circumstances in his age group they would have "rolling substitutions" where every five minutes or so two people would be taken off and replaced with the people resting on the sideline. (rugby is two 40 minute halves of non stop play - only time outs for injuries).

What this new coach did was keep my son and one of the two girls off for just under half the game. They would then end up on the wing and as the rest of the team can't pass to save themselves he might get the ball once a game if lucky. the others were also greedy and just kept the ball themselves and didn't pass much either. They also taunt conor saying they don;t pass the ball to him on purpose.

So I politely ask the coach if there is a chance that Conor would ever get more than half a game. The coach gets all defensive and says that they do not have many people they can sub. I point out that they only people on the whole team (of 17) that he subs is my son and the two girls. He goes well who would you want me to take off, we are here to win not for parents to feel good about their kids. The discussion did not go far after that in that direction so I pointed out the taunting that was being done to Conor.

At the next practice the father of the two girls turns up (he used to coach) and had more polite words with the coach about rolling subs etc. and the taunters were not allowed to play again until they apologised.

So with two weeks to go Conor was on for the whole game, the ball started being passed out to him and the players and coaches and managers are amazed at how well he plays for such a small guy. He gets player of the day and so forth from his abilities.

The annoying thing is it was similar last year - the team finally started giving him the ball at the end of the season and he gets a try in each of the last three games.

The short answer tim is in my situation polite confrontation worked. And yes the coaches and the managers sons were in the team and were on the whole game.

Posted by peawinkel on 09-02-2007 at15:47:

Welcome to Football Country, Bubba.
Yep, it's politics & it starts at the Little League level.
Your best bet to get your kid "playin' time", is to start when he's young, and be a volunteer coach.
Talent has nothing to do with it.

However.... if the coach is legit, he will play the best players at their best positions. When I was a LLA (Little League Asst.), assessing the talent & putting them in the best positions was the most fulfilling part.

Put pressure on the Coach & get him fired.
That's another southern football tradition.

Posted by gator77da on 09-05-2007 at10:09:

Maybe your kid can experiment with being a cornerback . . . he can take out the coaches' son/receiver, then get moved back to receiver.

I kid, of course. The politics of coaching your own kid can be horrific when the coach in question only cares about making his kid feel good instead of doing what's best for the team. All your kid can do right now is keep working and practicing hard . . . and his time will come. The trick is keeping him motivated by reminding him that if he works hard and really is better than most of the others, his time will indeed come.

Posted by smackeral on 09-05-2007 at19:51:

Our son was a starting point guard for his high school basketball team as a freshman (JV) and sophomore (varsity). In his junior year, a new coach came in who kept him on the bench for the whole season and often publicly humiliated him during practices. At the year-end tournament, the coach HAD to start our son in one game due to an injury, and he played wonderfully. The coach’s wife commented after the game, “Where’s HE been all season?!” It was all I could do to hold my tongue. Although the whole thing was excruciating for our son, we kept encouraging him to do his best in practices, to pray for his coach, to maintain a humble, respectful attitude at all times, not to complain to his teammates, and to try to find a way to honor his coach at the end of the year. We had many long talks about it to help him cope with his feelings. He did his best to follow our advice, and he wrote a nice card to the coach, saying whatever kind things he could honestly say, and had all the team members sign it. When he gave the coach the card, the coach gave it a quick reading and then tossed it aside with a mumbled “thanks” and turned to talk to someone else. Our son said to us later, “Well, at least I know I did the right thing.” We were never more proud of him!

During his senior year, yet another new coach came in, and this time our son started every game, was chosen as the starting point guard for the league’s all-star team, won MVP of the year-end tournament, and garnered a number of other honors. I told him then, and I truly believe, that God was honoring him in his senior year in part because in his junior year he honored his parents by following their advice even though it was extremely difficult and because he honored and prayed for his coach even though he was treated unfairly. Even if he had not received those honors, we know that God was watching and that He was pleased with his response in a year in which his character and faith were put to the test.