dennis 
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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This is one dead Parrot!
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I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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04-08-2004 12:53 |
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Mark
Moderator
Registration Date: 03-18-2002
Posts: 9,525
Location: Grand Encephalon - Words have their place but live what you say God can have His way when you hit them with Love
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This section is dead...
But it is Easter weekend...
Will it rise again?
__________________
But never, never pin your whole faith on any human being: not if he is the best and wisest in the whole world. - C.S. Lewis
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04-09-2004 09:25 |
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dorfsmith
Grand Encephalon
Registration Date: 03-24-2002
Posts: 28,142
Location: Everybody needs a persicom
Thread Starter 
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time will tell 
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http://www.google.com
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04-09-2004 20:11 |
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Mark
Moderator
Registration Date: 03-18-2002
Posts: 9,525
Location: Grand Encephalon - Words have their place but live what you say God can have His way when you hit them with Love
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Yes 
__________________
But never, never pin your whole faith on any human being: not if he is the best and wisest in the whole world. - C.S. Lewis
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04-09-2004 22:32 |
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PuP
Moderator
Registration Date: 07-09-2003
Posts: 11,774
Location: The DAmb Home for Wayward Sons and Fragile Daughters
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The Dead Parrot Sketch
Praline: Hello, I wish to register a complaint . . . Hello? Miss?
Shopkeeper: What do you mean, miss?
Praline: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look!
Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Praline: Resting?
Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
Praline: The plumage don't enter into it -- it's stone dead.
Shopkeeper: No, no -- it's just resting.
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper: (jogging cage) There it moved.
Praline: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.
Praline: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fjords.
Praline: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
Praline: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining.
Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Shopkeeper: Well, I'd better replace it then.
Praline: (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
Shopkeeper: Sorry guv, we're right out of parrots.
Praline: I see. I see. I get the picture.
Shopkeeper: I've got a slug.
Praline: Does it talk?
Shopkeeper: Not really, no.
Praline: Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
Shopkeeper: Listen, I'll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton he'll replace your parrot for you.
Praline: Bolton eh?
Shopkeeper: Yeah.
Praline: All right. He leaves, holding the parrot.
CAPTION: A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN BOLTON, LANCS
Close-up of sign on door reading: 'Similar Pet Shops Ltd'. Pull back from sign to see same pet shop. Shopkeeper now has moustache. Praline walks into shop. He looks around with interest, noticing the empty parrot cage still on the floor.
Praline: Er, excuse me. This is Bolton, is it?
Shopkeeper: No, no it's, er, Ipswich.
Praline: (to camera) That's Inter-City Rail for you. (leaves)
Man in porter's outfit standing at complaints desk for railways. Praline approaches.
Praline: I wish to make a complaint.
Porter: I don't have to do this, you know.
Praline: I beg your pardon?
Porter: I'm a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this because I like being my own boss.
Praline: Er, excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Porter: Oh yeah, it's not easy to pad these out to thirty minutes.
Praline: Well I wish to make a complaint. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswich.
Porter: No, this is Bolton.
Praline: (to camera) The pet shop owner's brother was lying.
Porter: Well you can't blame British Rail for that.
Praline: If this is Bolton, I shall return to the pet shop.
CAPTION: 'A LITTLE LATER LTD.'
Praline walks into the shop again.
Praline: I understand that this is Bolton.
Shopkeeper: Yes.
Praline: Well, you told me it was Ipswich.
Shopkeeper: It was a pun.
Praline: A pun?
Shopkeeper: No, no, not a pun, no. What's the other thing which reads the same backwards as forwards?
Praline: A palindrome?
Shopkeeper: Yes, yes.
Praline: It's not a palindrome. The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob. It don't work.
Shopkeeper: Look, what do you want?
Praline: No I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any further as I think this is getting too silly.
Colonel: (coming in) Quite agree. Quite agree. Silly. Silly . . . silly. Right get on with it. Get on with it.
__________________
"At times this board is a place of thought provoking discussions, but most often it resembles a not quite done Mexican taco." - Jevon the Tall
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04-09-2004 22:34 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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| quote: |
Originally posted by PuP
The Dead Parrot Sketch
Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper: (jogging cage) There it moved.
Praline: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
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I thought Polly was a frog!
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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04-10-2004 00:18 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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No, no it snot!
__________________
Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word! 
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04-12-2004 09:32 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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Oh, I fordot!
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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04-12-2004 21:24 |
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PuP
Moderator
Registration Date: 07-09-2003
Posts: 11,774
Location: The DAmb Home for Wayward Sons and Fragile Daughters
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This section is as dead as the sevensbored. 
__________________
"At times this board is a place of thought provoking discussions, but most often it resembles a not quite done Mexican taco." - Jevon the Tall
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06-08-2004 22:19 |
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Captain Pedantic
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 12-18-2002
Posts: 2,686
Location: "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." - Vyvian - The Young Ones
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06-08-2004 22:32 |
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Mark
Moderator
Registration Date: 03-18-2002
Posts: 9,525
Location: Grand Encephalon - Words have their place but live what you say God can have His way when you hit them with Love
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I was here.
__________________
But never, never pin your whole faith on any human being: not if he is the best and wisest in the whole world. - C.S. Lewis
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06-10-2004 19:52 |
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PuP
Moderator
Registration Date: 07-09-2003
Posts: 11,774
Location: The DAmb Home for Wayward Sons and Fragile Daughters
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But you were too late.
It was already dead when you got here. 
__________________
"At times this board is a place of thought provoking discussions, but most often it resembles a not quite done Mexican taco." - Jevon the Tall
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06-10-2004 22:01 |
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Eleanor
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 5,111
Location: NFP
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| quote: |
Originally posted by PuP
This section is as dead as the sevensbored.
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06-10-2004 22:45 |
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baxter
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 15,686
Location: "Come, let us to our holy task again."
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How dead is the sevensbored, pup? (let's hear your best Johnny Carson)
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06-10-2004 23:12 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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It's deader than a doornail!
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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06-15-2004 21:28 |
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Captain Pedantic
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 12-18-2002
Posts: 2,686
Location: "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." - Vyvian - The Young Ones
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It may be dead but it's been back more often than Dracula
__________________
Seek Justice
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06-15-2004 21:55 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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I got a big batch of garlic cole slaw! At least that'll keep dracula away!
As for this thread .........
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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06-15-2004 22:10 |
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Captain Pedantic
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 12-18-2002
Posts: 2,686
Location: "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." - Vyvian - The Young Ones
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08-09-2004 18:21 |
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dennis
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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__________________
I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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11-16-2004 16:05 |
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PuP
Moderator
Registration Date: 07-09-2003
Posts: 11,774
Location: The DAmb Home for Wayward Sons and Fragile Daughters
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It's dead, Jim!
__________________
"At times this board is a place of thought provoking discussions, but most often it resembles a not quite done Mexican taco." - Jevon the Tall
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11-30-2004 21:30 |
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